30 things to make you smile
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He
thought he was God and I didn\'t.
2.. I don\'t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it\'s illegal to kill
them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don\'t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
7.. You\'re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I\'m not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,
why the heck is the room spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being \"over the hill\" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27.. Ham and eggs. A day\'s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there\'s no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile because I don\'t know what the hell is going on.
More Jokes المزيد من النكت
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اشترى رجل بخيل ثلاث برتقالات، قطع الأولى فوجدها متعفنة فرماها، قطع الثانية فوجدها متعفنة فرماها، فأطفأ النور وقطع الثالثة وأكلها.
قال الطبيب للبخيل: خذ من هذا الدواء أربع ملاعق كل يوم. فرد البخيل: لكن يا دكتور لا يوجد عندي إلا ملعقتين فقط! فما العمل ؟
البخيل: حظي سيئ!! الصديق: ولماذا ؟ البخيل: لأن الصيدلية التي بجوارنا أعلنت عن تخفيضات وليس فينا أحد مريض.
تراهن بخيلان على من يبقى تحت الماء أكثر من الآخر يدعوه للعشاء... فلم يخرج أحد منهما حتى الآن.
مرة بخيل طب في حفرة فتجمع عليه الناس علشان يساعدوه... المهم انه في الاخير ما كان راضي انه يطلع فجاهم واحد و سألهم عن هذا الشخص البخيل، قالوله احنا قاعدين نقوله اعطنا يدك اعطنا يدك وهو رافض. قال بسيطه... خذ ايدي... فطلع البخيل.
