3 Things You Shouldn't Do If He's Cheating On You

This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage the course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can complicate matters and make a bad situation worse. Let's look at 5 key things you SHOULDN'T do and examine the reasons why.

1. Don't put him out or leave him - yet.

Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it's the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a close eye on what's going on. It'll be easier to do that if the two of you are still living under the same roof. If you put him out or leave, you'll be hard-pressed to know what he's doing, short of hiring an investigator. As long as you're still together, you can keep your finger on the pulse of his affair and gather some much-needed facts. There's a lot you need to know about the situation before you can make an intelligent decision about whether to go or to stay - and on what terms. Continue monitoring your husband's activities, his attitude, the frequency of his contact with his lover and any other details concerning his affair. Write everything down in a journal for future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he's still there, you have a chance to work things out.

2. Don't tell the whole world about his infidelity.

It's natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband's affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be the "other woman." Make sure you're confiding in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband's affair could complicate the situation. There are men out there who take advantage of women when they're in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband's friends or family may not produce the results you want. They might not take you seriously. Or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren't the only ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember unpleasant events long after they've been resolved. If you and your husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in who you tell about your husband's affair.

3. Don't ignore his affair or pretend it's not happening.

Going into denial will only make matters worse. As traumatic as it is to find out that your husband has been cheating, you need to face the reality of the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the go-ahead to continue his affair. Pretending it's not happening will make him think he's getting away with his cheating, or give him the impression that he has your silent approval. At some point you should inform your husband that you know about his affair and make it clear that you want it to stop. The sooner you confront him about his cheating, the better. The longer you wait to bring it up and express your disapproval, the more attached he will become to the other woman. And the harder it will be to get your marriage back on track. Remember too, that affairs thrive in secrecy. Sometimes, just telling your husband you know about it, will be enough to put a stop to his affair.