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Abbott and Costello in the Year 2005
You sort of have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on. For those who dont, you are too young anyway.
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, Who\'s on First, might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT.
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I\'m setting up an office in my den and I\'m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name\'s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don\'t own a computer. I want to buy one
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name\'s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don\'t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT:Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let\'s just say I\'m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue \"W\".
COSTELLO: I\'m going to click your blue \"w\" if you don\'t start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT:Real One.
COSTELLO: If it\'s a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I\'m at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue \"1\".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue \"1\".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT:The blue \"1\" is Real One and the blue \"W\" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in office for windows!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it\'s the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren\'t many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn\'t even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don\'t start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That\'s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What\'s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT:One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn\'t it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on \"START\".......
Bill Gate - God
A poor employee had been suffering dreadfully during the building of Gates\' infamous new home. The poor architect had used Linux to undertake the interior and the wrath of Gates had fallen upon him.
This guy was so distressed at the thought of using Windows in a design environment that he just got up one day and took his own life.
He reappears at the gates of heaven where St.Peter is sitting with his clipboard. Nervously he walks up to St.Peter.\'Ah\', St.Peter says, \'you\'re the poor fellow who suffered at the hands of Gates. Don\'t worry, you\'re in heaven now. Everything is allright.
\'Still quivering, the poor architect says: \'At last, that\'s wonderful. But you promise me that Bill Gates won\'t appear here.\'
St.Peter lets out a broad laugh: \'Is the Pope Catholic ? You know what they say about rich men, needles and camels ... anyhow, we use Amigas ...\'
Then, suddenly, beyond the pearly gates a familiar figure appears. The poor architect falls into an apoplectic fit: \'Look, look, you told me he\'d never find a place in heaven, but it\'s him.\'
St.Peter turns around to see the sight. \'Ah, no my son, that\'s God, he just thinks he\'s Bill Gates ...\'
انزلقت سيارة تاكسي على منحدر شديد فصاح السائق برعب: لا أستطيع ايقاف السيارة فرد الراكب البخيل: أوقف العداد بسرعة.
مره واحد تاجر كتاكيت ماشي بالعربيه وفيها كتاكيت وقفته لجنه تموين وقال له المفتش: الكتاكيت دي بتأكلهم ايه؟ رد عليه وقال له : درة يا بيه..... فقال له المفتش انتو ما بتفهموش حاجة الكتاكيت دي بتاكل علف........ وراح عمله غرامة 1000 جنيه.... راح مشي التاجر بالعربيه وهو في الطريق وقفته لجنه تموين تاني وقال له المفتش انت بتأكل الكتاكيت دي ايه قال له بأكلهم علف يا بيه فقال له المفتش انت ايه يا أخي انت ما بتفهمش دي بتاكل درة وعمل له غرامه 1000 جنيه وبعد شويه وهو ماشي وقفته لجنه تموين تاني وقال له المفتش انت بتأكل الكتاكيت دي ايه قال له يا بيه انا كل يوم الصبح ادي كل كتكوت جنيه وهو ياكل اللي هو عايزه
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