نكت وطرائف ونوادر - Funny stories and Jokes

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Bill Gates vs GM

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.


More Computer Virus Humor

Recently, the \"Love Bug\" Virus circled the globe, damaging computers in it\'s path. There have recently been some new mutations or variationsof this virus that you should be aware of.

* The \"I Love You, But I\'m Shy\" virus never actually invades your computer, but collects data about it worshipfully from afar.

* The \"Love The One You\'re With\" virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade.

* The \"Happily Married\" virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life.

* The \"Unhappily Married\" virus spends a long time negotia- ting with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time.

* The \"I Want A Divorce\" virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer isn\'t working and takes half of your computer\'s best data in an ugly network session.

* The \"Stalker\" virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and tries to record all of its functions. And it writes rude messages to any other computer with which yours connects on any regular basis.

* The \"Forever Single\" virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers with which it is totally incompatible or prove generally unavailable.

* The \"Deadbeat\" virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows.

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عالم النكت والطرائف - كافة الحقوق محفوظة 2008