نكت وطرائف ونوادر - Funny stories and Jokes

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Abbott and Costello in the Year 2005

You sort of have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on. For those who dont, you are too young anyway.
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, Who\'s on First, might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT.

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I\'m setting up an office in my den and I\'m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name\'s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don\'t own a computer. I want to buy one
ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name\'s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don\'t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT:Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let\'s just say I\'m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue \"W\".

COSTELLO: I\'m going to click your blue \"w\" if you don\'t start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT:Real One.
COSTELLO: If it\'s a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I\'m at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue \"1\".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue \"1\".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT:The blue \"1\" is Real One and the blue \"W\" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in office for windows!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it\'s the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren\'t many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn\'t even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don\'t start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That\'s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What\'s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT:One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn\'t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on \"START\".......

If computer errors were written as haikus

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

The file you need
might be very useful.
But now it is gone

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, reboot.
Order shall return.

Wind catches lily,
scattering petals to the ground.
Segmentation fault.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
File not found.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

No keyboard present.
Press F1 to continue.
Zen engineering.

This site has moved.
We\'d tell you where, but then
we\'d have to delete you.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?

واحد شحات راح لواحد عجلاتي قال له أعطيني مما أعطاك الله، قال له العجلاتي خد لك لفة.

مرة واحد متجوز عنده دولاب قافلة 20 سنة والمفتاح معاه هوه بس, مراته هتجنن وفي يوم راح الشغل ونسي المفتاح. مراته فتحت الدولاب لقت 20 الف جنيه وبيضتين.لما رجع سالته ايه حكاية البيضتين قالها بصراحه كنت كل ماخونك أحط بيض في الدولاب الست قالت عشرين سنه جواز ومرتين بس مش مهم وسالته طب والعشرين الف جنيه قالها كنت كل ماجمع كرتونه ابيعها.

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عالم النكت والطرائف - كافة الحقوق محفوظة 2008