نكت وطرائف ونوادر - Funny stories and Jokes

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More Computer Virus Humor

Recently, the \"Love Bug\" Virus circled the globe, damaging computers in it\'s path. There have recently been some new mutations or variationsof this virus that you should be aware of.

* The \"I Love You, But I\'m Shy\" virus never actually invades your computer, but collects data about it worshipfully from afar.

* The \"Love The One You\'re With\" virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade.

* The \"Happily Married\" virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life.

* The \"Unhappily Married\" virus spends a long time negotia- ting with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time.

* The \"I Want A Divorce\" virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer isn\'t working and takes half of your computer\'s best data in an ugly network session.

* The \"Stalker\" virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and tries to record all of its functions. And it writes rude messages to any other computer with which yours connects on any regular basis.

* The \"Forever Single\" virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers with which it is totally incompatible or prove generally unavailable.

* The \"Deadbeat\" virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows.


30 things to make you smile

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He
thought he was God and I didn\'t.

2.. I don\'t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it\'s illegal to kill
them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don\'t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

7.. You\'re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I\'m not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,
why the heck is the room spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being \"over the hill\" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27.. Ham and eggs. A day\'s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there\'s no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile because I don\'t know what the hell is going on.

اثنين راجعين بالسيارة من السفر وقفوا عند محطة بنزين نزل السواق عند البقالة وراح الثاني لدورة المياه اشترى السواق حبتين ببسي وركب السيارة ومشى ..... ثاني يوم ...اتصل عليه أهل خوية ... قالوا له : وين فلان ما رجع معك ؟ قال : وانا اقول الببسي الثاني منهو له

كان القائد المشهور بالقسوة يستعرض جنوده فوقف أمام جندي وسأله: ما اسمك فقال : عبد الجبار يا سيدي. وما الذي تمسك به؟ فاجاب بندقيتي يا سيدي، فرد عليه : ليست بندقيتك بل هي زوجتك وعرضك وشرفك ثم انتقل الى الجندي الذي يليه : ما اسمك ؟ كامل يا سيدي .وما هذا الذي تمسك به؟ فأجاب : زوجة عبد الجبار يا سيدي

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عالم النكت والطرائف - كافة الحقوق محفوظة 2008