نكت وطرائف ونوادر - Funny stories and Jokes

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30 things to make you smile

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He
thought he was God and I didn\'t.

2.. I don\'t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it\'s illegal to kill
them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don\'t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

7.. You\'re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I\'m not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,
why the heck is the room spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being \"over the hill\" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27.. Ham and eggs. A day\'s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there\'s no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile because I don\'t know what the hell is going on.


Windows Bug

No, Windows is not a virus.

Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

صاحب محل دخلت عنده وحده حلوه .... وكل شوي تقول له : بكم هذا حجي ... بكم هذا حجي .... اخيرا طفش منها قال : شوفي انا ماحجيت لكني اخذت عمرة .. علشان كذا تـقـدرين تـقــولي .... ياعــمــري

طفل صغير سال امة ازاى انا جيت الدنيا قالت له حطيت شوية سكر تحت السجادة لاقيتك جيت ... راح الطفل حاطط شوية سكر تحت السجادة... يومين و لاقى صرصار فقال له لو مكنتش ابنى كنت قتلتك 22- 12

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عالم النكت والطرائف - كافة الحقوق محفوظة 2008