نكت وطرائف ونوادر - Funny stories and Jokes

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Wish Granted

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated

'I am the most powerful genie in the universe. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish.'

The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said 'I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east.'

The genie responded, 'Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits.'

The programmer then said, 'Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes'

Genie: 'Uh, let me see that map again.'

Abbott and Costello in the Year 2005

You sort of have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on. For those who dont, you are too young anyway.
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, Who\'s on First, might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT.

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I\'m setting up an office in my den and I\'m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name\'s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don\'t own a computer. I want to buy one
ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name\'s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don\'t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT:Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let\'s just say I\'m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue \"W\".

COSTELLO: I\'m going to click your blue \"w\" if you don\'t start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT:Real One.
COSTELLO: If it\'s a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I\'m at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue \"1\".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue \"1\".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT:The blue \"1\" is Real One and the blue \"W\" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in office for windows!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it\'s the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren\'t many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn\'t even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don\'t start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That\'s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What\'s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT:One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn\'t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on \"START\".......

عجوز راحت للمستشفى مع ولدها ... كشف عليها الطبيب وقال : امك تعاني من الوحدة ... ولازم تزوجها واحد عمره خمسين ... وهم طالعين تقوله امه : شفت وشلون ياوليدي ؟؟ لكن الله يعينك ... وان كانك مالقيت واحد عمره خمسين ... شفلك اثنين من ابو خمسة وعشرين

مرة واحدة ست بتقول لجارتها الحقيني يا أم محمد بعت جوزي يجيبلي ملوخية راح مخبوط بأتوبيس ... يالهوي وعملتي إية .. عملت بامية وامري لله

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عالم النكت والطرائف - كافة الحقوق محفوظة 2008